About Me

I started to see the truth one day when walking off a pedway and going down an escalator to get to my office building. I was feeling a little wobbly in my heels and had to hold the railing for fear I would fall into the people in front of me. Opposite me were people coming up the escalator and I wondered if they could see behind the curtain. Could they see that I was still drunk from the previous night and that I was a mess? Part of me wanted to scream out “I need help, can’t anyone see that I need help”. They just smiled as they passed and seemed not to notice. I was a master of disguise in those days, always looking like I had it all together.

When I did get to my office I went into the washroom and cried. I knew something had to change but I couldn’t imagine how I would do it. By lunch, I had pushed the pain into that place where you put the things you want to forget. That was my life, day after day. Waking up full of remorse, feeling sick, disgusted with myself, feeling like a fraud because no one knew, and overfilling that place where things go to be forgotten.

By the time I reached 38, I had evolved into a daily drinker consuming multiple bottles a night. That wasn’t how I was meant to live. My coping mechanisms were no longer working. If alcohol was keeping it all together then why was it all falling apart?

I didn’t feel happy or relaxed after drinking, I only felt numb.

Shortly after my fortieth birthday, I checked myself into rehab for alcohol misuse disorder. I had become so dependent on alcohol I couldn’t do anything without it. I couldn’t imagine a life without it. On October 21, 2011, I made the decision to remove alcohol from my life. I was lucky to have found peace through a beautiful program and I was able to put my life back together.

Helping women enjoy freedom from alcohol through coaching and volunteer organizations has become one of my great passions in life. I’m grateful to have the privilege of sharing this journey.